Birdsong Blues

It's morning again.  Raining now, but hardly drowning out the sounds of the birds in the trees outside my bay windows.  I've been listening to their birdsong a lot these last few weeks.  Each morning, there is a battle of the calls between the crows and the robins and the blackbirds and the sparrows -- even the random wild parrot, which we have many of in this city.  They speak to me of much -- time to wake, time to check email, time to do yoga, time to meditate, time for housekeeping, time to get to work, time to protest.  Often I find myself so tuned in to their song that it's like I was a winged robin, perched over the passing traffic and looking to communicate without words to the passersby below, trading music for direction.  But somehow all these birds in their wonder and power neglected to pass on some crucial pieces of information.  Lost in translation, I am left to figure these things out on my own as any good human should.  I sit here this morning listening and listing all the things they don't tell you about a protest.
 
They don't tell you that joining an Occupy working group means you're going to work your ass off;

They don't tell you that you're going to be voluntold;

They don't tell you that your email traffic after joining these groups will quadruple, and you will be invited to join more and more subgroups, affinity groups and flying-under-the-radar groups as the weeks go on;

They don't tell you that you will be asked to take notes at meetings when you're just figuring out the lay of the land yourself;

They don't tell you you will be painting banners in unheated, poorly lit warehouses or silkscreening signs in neighbor's garages; posting flyers and prints on unsuspecting walls, bus stop shelters, and light posts for days upon end; dropping postcards at cafes, laundry mats, community centers, pot clubs and yes, even taping them to ATM machines in an attempt to reach people everywhere;

They don't tell you that you will be encouraged to attend training after training:  foreclosure fighting training, non-violence training, civil disobedience training, legal observer training, media spokesperson training, etc., and that to be less than prepared is doing your movement a disservice;

They don't tell you that they will be passing the hat at random meetings to cover unforeseen expenses, such as bailing activist friends out of jail and covering the cost of insurance for base stations during the day of the event;

They don't tell you that you will be asked to perform roles which will pull you off the streets where you want to be for much of the day of the protest, missing actions that matter to you, and keep you indoors performing vital support services;

They don't tell you that the group that allowa you to use their church basement for ground support won't actually notify the parish Bishop or the church manager of that tiny detail, and you will need to play political ambassador for the afternoon;

They don't tell you how often you will be defending your role in the movement, your actions, your opinions and your words, even amongst fellow Occupiers, your friends, your family, the public at large, and most importantly, to yourself;

They don't tell you how to react when you encounter some fellow Occupiers acting in belligerent, erratic and frankly disturbing ways instead of in the non-violent, focused ways that the movement stands for;

They don't tell you exactly how you're going to feel when cops push you out of the way, or when those cable ties drop to the ground as they take their full-riot poses;

They don't tell you that to expect the worst-case-scenario weather the day of the event, and how much more dedicated everyone becomes that braves those conditions;

They don't tell you how much you will be torn by all the ways you can apply your time and your talents towards the causes that call you;

They don't tell you how proud you will feel when you see successes of the day;

They don't tell you how much you will learn about human nature by participating in an event such as Occupy Wall St West;

They don't tell you that you're going to be flummoxed by the sheer intensity of the human lights shining around you, waiting for you to turn on your own light and let it shine;

They don't tell you about the piles of unfinished business that you wake up to;

They don't tell you there is less than one degree of separation between you and the rest of the sentient beings in the universe and that every individual thought or action affects us all;

What they don't tell you never hurts until the days after.  Then, it's like you've been hit by your boyfriend's car . . .

I'm just saying.


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of Buddha. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of Buddha that is within us. It is not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. 

As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others."

 __ Just Robin quoting Singhashri quoting Nelson Mandela quoting Miriam Williamson

1/11/12

I begin this morning's thoughts with a quote.

"There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with."          -Harry Crews, novelist and playwright (b. 1935)

Really?  You think?  I wonder what the Guatanamo scar will look like, feel like, because right now, 10 years after it opened, it's still a festering, pus-filled wound.  Today, I could put on an orange jumpsuit and a black hood and hit the Federal Building at noon, but I won't.  I could poster the city with flyers that say "Free Djamel" in support of the man detained at Guatanamo since 2002 with no charges, but I won't.  I could call or write a letter to the President to demand that he close Guatanamo now but I won't.  Because he already knows.  He knows and you know and I know what a horrible disgrace this torture-filled prison camp is, and we let it remain open today without storming the damn thing and busting down the walls and freeing those 171 detainees and finding them asylum right here and now.

Just like we let the wars go on and the homeless suffer and the physically and mentally ill go untreated and the hungry eat sub-substances and so on and so on and so on like an Herbal Essence commercial.

Today, the 11th day of January in the year of 2012, I hang my head in shame.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now I wonder if, like President Obama, I did the opposite of what I said I'd do (or not do in this case).

That's a CODE PINK to you, Mr. President.  Let's just leave it at that.

For my friend Joanna and the activists friends she's lost this week.



 

Sunday Morning

                      
Morning metta-tation:  Instructions for the Metta Bhavana: A Loving Kindness Meditation

All else that follows is what was intended.

"You’re capable of the perfect living and dying of this moment."
                                           Bonnie Myotai Treace, Spiritual director of Zen Center of New York City,
                                                               Fire Lotus Temple, in Brooklyn

Protest Pics

Photographs taken of today's bank protest and Bank of America shut down.  An action to convey the people's dismay over the predatory foreclosures and evictions by large commercial banks, with a particular focus on Bank of America with whom neighborhood residents seem to be experiencing the most troubles with.   Photos taken by Occupy SF media team photographer Eric Louie.




Armchair Protesting

I'm on my way to a protest.  The website pretty much speaks for itself.  At some point in the day, I will be holding a banner high that I helped to paint, protesting foreclosures and evictions by banks for profit.  I will hear real folks telling their stories of losing their homes and apartments, and I will look upon the faces of my neighbors as we speak out against speculation and illegal measures taken by the banks in the interest of profit.  I also had the privilege to paint and silkscreen signs with an amazing bunch of people, so smart and generous with their time and talents that they make my head spin and my heart sing -- the folks of Occupy SF and the Occupy SF Housing Coalition.
 Occupy Wall St. West Run On The Banks

For those with the time and inclination to join me, there are actions today in the Excelsior, next weekend, January 14th in the Mission District, and on January 20th, we will converge upon the San Francisco Financial District with our points of view, our protest signs and our counteractions against bad banking measures.  Here is a list of actions, a list that grows daily as the date grows closer:
http://www.occupywallstwest.org/wordpress/?page_id=74
Over the course of the 12-14 hour day, I'll be with both the Buddhist Peace and Justice League and the San Francisco Housing Coalition as we both stir things up and peace out.

For those who cannot join us, or cannot find the time to join a local happening, I encourage you to protest from the comfort of your home, your living room, your armchair.  Here's how:


                        A Protest Song
If you're feeling receptive and creative, this may spark other ways you can protest in simple, effective, and yes, lazy ways.  I'd love to hear about them, too!  Happy protesting, folks!

Calling the Shots & Back to Basics

Last night, I was woken by gunfire -- about two rounds going off not too far away.  This is unusual for my neighborhood, so after huddling timidly in bed for a minute, I got up to peek out the window to see if anyone might be out on the street.  My next reaction was to turn off the light and go back to bed.  Well, that’s a pretty crazy and disturbing reaction when what one should really be doing is turning on the lights, calling about the shots, or at least checking things out to know what’s up in the world.  Each time I do, I am completely overwhelmed with how much I want to change it.  There is so much happening right now! We are so limited by these constructs called time and work and money, but they do tend to drive our day.

The whole incident and resulting lack of sleep has left me feeling the need to get back to basics. Throughout the week, I'll be working on assembling some of my favorite sources into links, as I learn the basics of blogging, and try to take it a little slower. This month is already quite stacked for me -- I've got a Buddhist retreat starting this week that will last the entire month, Occupy events happening, it's the beginning of a new tax season and towards the end of the month I start a new semester of Library Tech coursework. And Zoe! Phew!

Today's Back to Basics Picks:

Meditation:  Mindfulness of Breath  

Instruction to improve the quality of your mind and your life. Highly recommended!


constitution:  As in the care and nourishment of the body

The Constitution:  As in a Charter of Freedom
Not a bad refresher course.

News Pick of the Day:  
Paul Cienfuego’s “We The People”  Alternative Radio Podcast

For only $1, you can have your mind blown by someone that one of my clients, the LEEDS certified architect Ross Levy said of him, “This guy makes so much sense, someone’s gonna kill him.”  Thank you, Ross, for turning me onto KALW 91.7 Radio in SF, which broadcast this show yesterday and has some incredible programming.  I owe you one ($1). This show is especially fitting in the wake of the Occupy Rose Parade event in Pasadena yesterday.  Wow!  What an image!  

A Suicide Pack: The American Robin Special

Well, the New Year's resolution thing is still bothering me, so I’ve decided to approach it by looking at the negative spaces - kind of like a cut out for a sign painting template. I hereby resolve NOT TO SUICIDE IN 2012. This comes out of a very honest place, and is worth the time for reflection. I have had a lifelong desire for non-existence, and have suffered much personal family tragedy in regards to suicide. So, along the way, and even more recently in fact, have developed my own personal cure. Let’s hope it lasts, and that it might have some value to someone else. However, this is by no means a medically tested prevention method, so take it as it is, a blogger’s way to regenerative therapy and artistic expression.

Please pardon the poor formatting and grammar, but these things are not so important in a reflection such as this. It’s the content and the commitment that count.

Things to Consider Before Your Suicide Exercise:

1) A suicide pact -- Best if made with someone you’ve since broken up with, or someone who died without you. My personal favorites are taking that exploratory, one-way astronaut trip into space, while you send back all this amazing data to NASA on your non-returnable flight to unknown planets. Or, if you can find another willing soul, asphyxiating each other in creative ways.
2) A suicide note -- I like greeting cards; they rock my world! I’ve included some of my own personal recommendations, including the Jane Austen card (best if used after a really bad argument with your lover), the Zebra Bye card, and Bunny Suicides postcards (pack of 19 postcards that you can send to all your best friends before you go). My personal favorite card is the Smoker’s Card.






3) A suicide song or album -- To be played while you get your things in order. I highly recommend Australia’s own Lady of the Sunshine’s “Smoking Gun” album / Best suicide song from that album: “Silver Revolver”
http://www.myspace.com/ladyofthesunshine


4) Props -- Black out curtains, cushy bed with memory foam topper, various and assorted love letters, job termination letters, writer’s rejection letters, IRS tax bills, photographs (whatever makes you sad and lonely), all your bills in an unpaid, disorganized stack; a running total of all the money you’ve spent on self-medicating over the last 10 years minimum (or your best estimate)
5) Accoutrements -- Face it: no one wants to find you dead naked. So, out of respect for those who have to deal with the residuals, I recommend wearing clothes that are ill-fitting -- two sizes too small or too large, in fact. Strip off the makeup. Definitely, don’t brush your teeth. I mean, what’s the point?
6) Method -- The best part of this whole thing is the method. Here are the rules:
a) Leave out the alcohol and the drugs -- and unless you’ve got a doctor’s diagnosis, even the prescription ones. Heck, even if you’ve got a doctor’s diagnosis, leave out the prescription meds. I mean, if you’re going to die, you’re going to do it straightedge, right.
b) No conventional weapons: You must die by the power of your own mind.

The Exercise:
After you've got your things in order, pick a comfortable space to sit/lie/die in. Begin to focus: Bring to mind all the little arguments, insults you’ve received, insults you’ve given, and all those you were saving up for that next confrontation. Acknowledge that degree you never got, the job you hate, the boss who drives you to drink and makes you curse in ways you despise. Acknowledge the ways your child disrespects you, and definitely bring to mind that person you love desperately and forever who doesn’t love you back. Acknowledge all the ways you hate yourself.

Now sit with it. For like, six months at least. A year ought to be long enough to memorize all the details so eventually you can put away the props. If you’re like me, you’ll need more than a year; you’ll need several. And each time you sit, focus on your breath and just how your body feels -- exactly where is all that pain centered and what does it do to your body? Can you locate it? Can you stick with it? Where does all that pain go? Where is it actually? Is it changing? Yes. Is it shifting? Yes. Is it constant and steady? No. Is it transforming itself each time you actually sit and focus on it? Yes. Envision yourself dead - a sitting corpse, rotting away, a pile of bones and sinew, vulture fodder. Something for others to miss. Something for others to lament over. Something for others to burn or bury. Where is the pain now? Where are you now? Have you forgotten self yet? How does it feel? Imagine that this is your very last opportunity to sit with yourself wanting to die this way. Allow yourself to go there. Go there again. Feel the differences each time you go there. Feel the emptiness. Feel the impermanence. Just let go and breathe it all in. Breath it all out.

If you’re still into this, you’re doing fine. The thing to remember is that you can’t bring someone along with you. You’re on your own. Keep up the good work, and remember there is no wrong way to die by mind. With enough practice, you’re either going to come out of this a very lovely corpse, or you’re going to find yourself still very much alive and looking forward to change. If you do come out of this as one of the living, then it is your time -- time to look outside of yourself and see others, very much like yourself, out there waiting for you to emerge and engage.

Why does this matter to me?

For journalists, coverage of political unrest proves deadly
and
45 Journalists Killed in 2011/Motive Confirmed

According to the Buddhist teacher Sangharakshita, "The mind, it seems, can cope with certainties, even irrelevant certainties, much more easily than with incommunicable truths." How does one begin to know the tragic relevance of the deaths of all these journalists? How does one begin to celebrate the successes of movements everywhere from Wisconsin to Cairo? Why does this matter to me?

For me, this means I find real subjects on which to focus my thoughts of compassion. For me, this means that someone is out there fighting to make sure that I have a real newspaper to read online every morning. For me, this means that unlike the Azerbaijani youth activist Jabbar Savalan, I can have a political voice on sites like Blogger and Facebook without being imprisoned for it. For me, the facts are hard, the reality is bitter, and the thought food is slow to digest.

This New Year's Day, I pay my respects to those that bring home the news.

Free and Easy: A Spontaneous Vajra Song

by Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche

Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go.

Don't strain yourself,
there is nothing to do or undo.
Whatever momentarily arises
in the body-mind
Has no real importance at all,
has little reality whatsoever.
Why identify with,
And become attached to it,
Passing Judgement upon it and ourselves?

Far better to simply
let the entire game happen on its own,
springing up and falling back like waves
without changing or manipulating anything
and notice how everything
vanishes and reappears, magically,
Again and again, time without end.

Only our searching for happiness
prevents us from seeing it.
It's like a vivid rainbow which you pursue
without ever catching,
or a dog chasing it's own tail.

Although peace and happiness
do not exist as an actual thing or place,
it is always available
and accompanies you every instant.

Don't believe in the reality
of good and bad experiences;
they are today's ephemeral weather,
like rainbows in the sky.

Wanting to grasp the ungraspable,
you exhaust yourself in vain.
As soon as you open and relax
this tight fist of grasping,
infinite space is there -
open, inviting and comfortable.

Make use of this spaciousness, this
freedom and natural ease.
Don't search any further
looking for the great awakened elephant,
who is already resting quietly at home
in front of your own hearth.

Nothing to do or undo,
nothing to force,
nothing to want,
And nothing missing.

Emaho! Marvelous!
Everything happens by itself.

Fresh Squeezed Juice

It is 2012.  I am, for the first New Year's Day in aeons, excited to be alive.  Unconvinced of the effectiveness of resolutions made in ritualistic madness,  I did not resolve to start a blog today.  What I resolved to do was to find closure in as many things as I began today.  I'll let you know how that goes.  So far, the new beginnings are looking pretty distracting.

Things that excite me today:
The Heart Sutra and A Vajra Song
Learning to blog
Talking to my Mom about the Texas Green Party
Silkscreening signs for the Occupy Wall Street West action on January 20th
And lo and behold, yes, cleaning house.